


We Drift Inside Each Other

by inspirationcocoa



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-22 07:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inspirationcocoa/pseuds/inspirationcocoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are all stories based on my observations from the movie, Pacific Rim, and what I envision as the character’s backgrounds. I did check the Pacific Rim Wikia to double check some characters age’s and spellings of things but the rest is me. Mostly inspired by lines I heard in the film that sent my mind to places. And I apparently have a lot of feelings about Chuck because he narrates at least to segments of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She Always Was (Chuck/Mako)

She was one of a kind. Chuck remembered the first time she entered the Shatterdome. Always two steps behind Pentecost. Her blunt black hair falling like a curtain around her face, which was almost always cast down in deference. But there was a moment. When Max ran up to her and threw threw back her head, smiling as he licked her face enthusiastically. Max had that effect of the ladies. 

To say she was the best in their class would be an understatement. Mako Mori redefined the class. She was passionate about fighting and equally passionate about the jaegers. Unlike him, Mako saw them as individuals. And sometimes when he talked to her, he saw them that way too. 

She graduated the Academy a year before he did and through the grapevine, he heard that she had yet to find a co-pilot. It was a sign. She was waiting for him. Their fathers were the oldest of friends and if anyone was going to be drift compatible with Mako, it would be him. 

Since she wasn’t piloting yet, Mako focused on the jaegers. Designing and increasing their functionality. She loved the Mark III’s and Stacker indulged her interest with blueprints and design modules. That was where he found her, hunched over screens and old-school blueprints. 

“Hey, Max!” she said when he entered the room. She always greeted the dog first. 

“Hey, Mako,” he said. He looked over at the blueprints on her desk. “Gipsy Danger?” he asked. Even though Mako was far from an open book, they’d developed a kind of shorthand with each other. It wasn’t like him and his father. Sometimes he thought that he and his father only communicated through Max but with Mako it was different. Though they didn’t say a lot, he felt like they knew what the other was thinking. 

“She’s beautiful,” Mako replied and he knew when she looked at the jaeger, she didn’t see the pilots inside, she saw Gipsy as her own person. 

“She’s piloted by the Becket brothers, right? How many kills?” 

“Just two so far.” Mako finally stopped petting Max long enough to look up at him. “How’s the Academy?” 

“I’m going to break your simulator record Mako,” Chuck teased. “Just wait.” 

She turned back to her blueprints. “You can try.” 

“Soon, I’ll be done with my training and then we can take one of these jaegers out for real. Show them what a jaeger can really do.” 

“How do you know we would even make a good team, Chuck?” 

He moved closer to her and Mako breath hitched for a second when she looked up at him. “I know it, sweetheart. You’re the best and I’m the best and that’s all that matters.” He flipped his cap on to his head. “Come on Max!” he called and the dog followed obediently. 

“Chuck!” He stopped for a second as Mako called after him. “We’ll see.” 

* * *

 

A year later, Chuck burst angrily through the doors of the Marshall’s quarters. “It’s wrong!” Chuck said waving the stack of paper in front of Stacker’s face. 

“Excuse me ranger?” Stacker replied in that quietly cold way that he was inclined to talk to all his subordinates. 

“The test, it says that Mako and I aren’t drift compatible. It. Is. Wrong.” 

“Why is that, son?”

“Because we’re the best.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. She’s the best. You are just a cocky ranger riding her coattails.” 

“No you’re wrong. You can’t keep sabotaging her Stacker. We’re the two best rangers to come out of the Academy and we deserve to be a team.”

“You don’t deserve anything, Hansen. You don’t deserve her because you can run faster than some other guys or because you’ve known her longer. You don’t deserve anything you haven’t earned. And until you’ve stepped foot in an actual jaeger and not just a simulator, you don’t deserve my time. Now if you’ll excuse me, you can close the door behind you.” 

Chuck knew the matter was closed but he wasn’t his father and he wasn’t going to just fall back because Stacker Pentecost said so. “I’m going to show you. And her.” 

* * *

 

As Chuck began to pilot with his father, he let that moment fuel him. He and his father took out kaiju after kaiju but being together in the drift didn’t improve their relationship. Sometimes he thought being in each other’s heads made it even worse. Mako couldn’t find a co-pilot and he watched as she continued to sit on the sidelines waiting for her chance. And he felt her drifting farther away. Deeper into herself. He felt like the tenuous connection they’d forged was breaking. And every time he beat a kaiju, he thought now; now he could be what she deserved. But he wasn’t. She was one of a kind. She always was.


	2. If You Have A Shot (Stacker/Herc)

The truth was, before the kaiju attack their marriage was going down the tubes. Angela seemed to be perpetually depressed and by the time the kaiju came, she fell into complete despair. It was hard for Herc to get her out of bed. While some folks saw the kaiju as some weird anomaly, she was constantly afraid. In hindsight, she was right. 

The day the kaiju attacked Sydney, Chuck was at school and his mother was at home. It was like all her doomsday prophecies had come to life. Herc had to make a decision, and he chose to be a parent. 

Chuck cried for months. He had nightmares and sometimes the only thing that would help was when Herc pulled him into his bunk and rocked him back to sleep. But as Chuck grew older he started to resent him. And Herc bore that, because he’d had his shot. And he took it. 

* * *

 

Being in a jaeger is indescribable. The feeling is somewhere between invincibility and being scared shitless. The first time Herc finished a run he was pumped. When he got back to the base, they popping bottles of champagne and cheering. Stacker came over and clapped a hand on his back in congratulations. He leaned into him, forehead to forehead. “You were amazing,” Stacker whispered, his voice low so only Herc could hear it in the din. Just as he was taking in the moment, the feeling of Stacker’s skin on his, He felt a tiny form barrel into him. 

“You were amazing Dad!” Chuck said, clutching his side. “Someday I’m going to be a ranger, just like you!” Herc picked up the little boy, throwing him over his shoulder.

“Well you’re never going to be like me unless you get some sleep!” Herc said, still riding high. “I’m going to take you back to bed.” When he turned back, Stacker was still watching him leave. 

* * *

 

The program was falling apart. Even though they’d stopped every kaiju attack, they were losing just as many as they were killing monsters. It had been a miracle that that Becket boy had managed to bring his jaeger to shore after losing his brother and there hadn’t been that many miracles since. And with the wealthy and the men in power moving further inland, the idea of the coastal wall seemed like an easy way and inexpensive way to protect the unwashed masses against the kaiju. 

As Stacker slipped into bed beside him, Herc could feel the weight of his burden along with the tension in his skin. “It’ll be okay, Stack,” Herc said rubbing his back gently. 

“They’re dying. All of them. And those that aren't are too unstable to fight. I’m running out of options.” Stacker turned over to face him and Herc could see the despair etched on his face. “I don't know what to do.” 

“You will,” Herc assured him. “What did you tell me that first time?” 

“Which first time?” Stacker asked with a rueful smile. And Herc smiled knowing what he meant. 

“Both of them,” Herc replied. “You once told me that if you have a shot, you take it. You’ll have your shot. They’ve just started construction on the wall. The jaeger program isn’t going anywhere, any time soon. You’ll have your shot.” He pressed his lips against Stacker’s tasting the sweet fullness of him. They clung to each other like he had so many nights before. It reminded Herc of the first time they were together. It was after his 5th kill but they’d lost a jaeger team in the process. Herc was wrecked and when Stacker showed up on his doorstep, they’d melted into one another. It was everything Herc had been wanting but was afraid to ask for. Later, after they were lying in bed together, Herc asked him why now. And Stacker looked him in the eye with that sad serious face and said, “We’re fighting a losing battle. I just didn’t want to miss my shot.”


	3. Since You Saw Her Heart (Raleigh/Mako)

Like I said before, my brother and I weren’t the type of guys that you would expect to be jaeger pilots. We weren’t heroes, we were just ordinary guys. But from the moment I saw her, I knew Gipsy Danger was meant to be ours. 

When you’re in the head of a jaeger, in the head of your co-pilot, all of your senses are running on high. You are your partner, you are the machine and they are you. It’s a feeling that’s unlike any other. The connection, the freedom, the feeling of being complete, I’ve never had that outside of Gipsy. 

Gipsy’s heart is a nuclear vortex turbine reactor in the center of her chest. She’s like a classic American car, tough and bawdy but elegant. Before the kaiju attacked, my father used to spend his time building models of classic American cars. Thunderbirds and Model T’s in cherry red and mint green lined the shelves of the bookcases in his study. Even though my parents loved to travel, they also loved Americana and I loved what my father loved. I guess it’s like guys who fall in love with women who remind them of their moms. If your father loved her, how could you not? 

Yancy always saw the drift as a job. A duty. But for me, being inside Gipsy was like a calling. And my brother was a part of that for me. I thought I knew him but knowing him in the drift was a different experience. So for me it was never a job. It was how I navigated the world. From the heights of a jaeger I experienced an intimacy that I could never recreate on the ground. When I set my feet on the earth, it felt incomplete. And after Yancy was torn from my side and my mind, I didn't think I could ever be complete again. 

* * *

 

The first time I saw Mako it was raining. The water fell in sheets and the people swarmed around the Shatterdome like ants scurrying for cover but she was a fixed point. She stood on the decks of the Dome like an immovable object. A force to be reckoned with despite her quiet demeanor. Gipsy's like that. Even at rest she's still a force of nature. 

When you drift, it’s not like watching a movie or seeing a picture. If you’re synced up right, it’s like understanding without knowing. The random access brain impulse triggers (R.A.B.I.T.’s) can take you down a never-ending hole. We all carry something into the drift but when I step into Gipsy, I try to remember that I’m the head and she’s the heart. The last time I saw Gipsy, her heart was bruised and battered and I didn’t think it could ever be fixed. 

Being away from her for so many years was like leaving my heart behind. But maybe that’s a good thing. When your head’s all fucked up like mine was maybe I was lucky cause I could leave my heart behind while Mako fixed it. 

* * *

 

Fighting a kaiju us not about winning, it’s about survival. The world is ending. And I was inside a jaeger. My Gipsy. And it felt _amazing_. To be connected to Mako and fight alongside her. Chuck has it wrong. He thinks it’s about winning, about ego, but the drift is about connection. About being a part of something greater. Years ago, I saw each kill as a victory. It was a like a video game, bigger kaiju meant more points. This was no game but I would be lying if I didn’t say I loved it. And when we walked back into the Shatterdome to the cheering crowds, it felt like what I’d been missing. 

But it’s those quiet moments. When I’m alone. And there’s no cheering, no fighting, not trying to survive. And I long for the connection again. Because when I’m inside Gipsy and drifting with Mako, I don’t just see what she knows. I see her heart. 

The world is ending. And there’s no place I’d rather be.


	4. I Carry Nothing Into the Drift (Stacker & Herc)

The decision to put on the suit, to step into the body of a jaeger, was not one Stacker Pentecost took lightly. Furthermore, the decision to let someone inside of his head, was a weight he wondered if he was ready to bear. They say the deeper the bond, the more compatible the drift. Most jaeger pilots are siblings or spouses or relatives. He and Tamsin Sevier weren’t any of those things but they shared a bond deeper than anyone else. They both grieved for the same lost love. 

So the first time they drifted the world fell away. And in the drift they were one entity. Clear eyed, laser focus on one goal; kill the monsters that had taken away the person they loved the most. When Tamsin fell, when she couldn’t go on, Stacker’s focus never faltered. He might not be able to get back into a jaeger but he wouldn’t stop until every last kaiju was gone. 

* * *

 

They had gone from being the first line of defense to the first bodies lined up to die. Watching each team fall or lose heart, it was almost too much to bear. He had two things that kept him going: a promise he’d made to an orphaned girl and a vow he’d made to himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t have joy in his life. He had Mako. Watching her grow up had been one of the most rewarding parts of his life. And he had Herc. 

When someone goes from being a balm on your soul to becoming a part of it, it’s hard to tell them it’s not enough. Herc helped him into suit. First the skintight underarmor. Stacker didn’t remember it being this tight but then again, he’d been a younger man when he’d first put it on. He could feel Herc’s fingers lingering on the material. A light touch here. A bit of pressure there. So different from the way he’d come in swinging not even an hour ago. 

_“You can’t do it!” Herc had yelled, slamming the door to his quarters behind him. “It will never work. And you’ll kill yourself.”_

_Stacker had looked him straight on. They may have been lovers but he was still his commanding officer. “And how is me going out there any different than you suiting up?,” he asked with quiet patience._

_“The difference is that when I was in your shoes there was a chance I could make it back. If you get into that jaeger, there’s no coming back, whether you succeed or not.”_

_Stacker decided to change tack and sighed with an air of reluctance. “I don’t know if you looked around the Shatterdome lately Herc but there’s not a lot of backup jaeger pilots and you’re out of commission. If you know of a better way, let me know.”_

_Herc looked at him, defiant but defeated, and it nearly broke his heart. How do you explain to someone that you love that their love isn’t enough. That before you had their love, you had promises and vows and those things never went away. Stacker stepped forward and kissed Herc softly. “If there were any other way, you know I’d do it,” he lied. Because sometimes, when there was no time left, you said what people needed to hear._

Now Herc helped him into the metal plating the suit. Each piece locking into place. Each link sealing his fate. When he was done, Herc handed him his helmet. Stacker looked at him, memorizing each wrinkle and laugh line, the exact shade of his blue eyes and the pink of his lips. And when he had it all, every detail, he pushed it to the side and they walked out of his quarters. Together.


	5. That's My Son (Chuck)

There’s so much you see in the drift you can’t talk about. So much you feel but you never say. I’ve seen into my father’s head and felt the things he feels but we’ve never talked about it. 

We’ve never talked about what it feels like to kiss Stacker Pentecost. Imagine, standing in front of your commanding officer and knowing the taste of his lips and the sounds he makes when he’s aroused. But then again, I’ve never asked my dad if he felt weird looking at Mako knowing how I feel about her. How I long to hold her in my arms. Sometimes the effort to beat those feelings back, to keep some semblance of privacy, was greater than the mission. And if I could do that, if I could remain _me_ in the face of everything, didn’t that make me the best?

* * *

Daddy issues. No matter how well Striker Eureka performed, I was still just a hothead with daddy issues. And in some ways, they were right. I could feel everything my dad felt, I could see inside his head, but I couldn't understand him. And he didn’t understand me. Hell, I don’t understand me. 

I understand action. Like when I saw Mako in that jaeger, about to take out the whole Shatterdome. In that moment, I was scared but I reacted. I pulled at those wires until the system shut down. But when it was over and we were standing there breathless, I was angry. Stacker Pentecost spends my whole career telling me I’m not good enough and he let that asshat get in a jaeger with Mako. He’s supposed to lead us. He and my father. They’re supposed to be better, but they let their children bear the brunt of this war. 

But who can you say that to? Who can you yell and scream at when nothing seems fair? Cause truly nothing about this is fair. We weren’t meant to see the deepest depths of each other. No child wants to know that their father never truly loved their mother. The drift is silence and sometimes all I want to do is scream. 

So it comes out in yells. In snide comments and sarcastic retorts. Yeah, I don’t like Raleigh, and? I don’t like that everyone thinks he’s a hero, or that he can drift with Mako, or how my father respects him. Because when it counted, he gave up. Every time I get in Striker, I have to face the very worst of myself and my father and still do it. Every. Time. So he won’t get any pats on the back from me. He already has everything I want.

* * *

They say that right before you die, your entire life flashes before your eyes. What about the moment when you know you’re going to die? Not actually dying but knowing that your death is inevitable. Here I was connected to the one person that I’d spent the better part of my career disdaining and separated from the one person I’d never wanted to talk to but had so much to tell. 

Mako was brave. She was brave enough to say she loved her father, even with everyone listening. But there’s so much you never talk about. So much you never say. And it all ends in a scream. 

 

The aftermath of the blast was a wave, of water and emotion. Herc hung his head. No matter how this ended, he’d lost it all. “That’s my son,” he whispered. He’d never been more proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this. It was really based on what I saw and thought about these characters after seeing the movie. And apparently I walked away with a lot of feelings about Chuck :)


End file.
